The following is a message I received by email from another woman who has gone through a very similar situation. She writes so well about something we will all understand:
"I think so many folks are inclined to think that stories like this
only lie within the fringes of society, or are the makings of Jerry
Springer spots. It's so easy to flip on the news or read the paper and
see the stories as distant, removed - the problems of all those "other
people." There really aren't words for the day when you find that your
own life is the leading story on the 11 o'clock
news and the front page of the newspaper. I don't have any friends that
are divorced, much less have spouses or family members, or even
distant acquaintances who have been convicted of felony crimes. My
husband and I were active in our community and church, good-standing
members of society. I find that my friends, family, and
colleagues don't even know what to say and most have opted to simply
ignore that anything has even happened. It's as if even the mere
reference to my husband will taint them in some foul, repulsive way. To
this day, I'm still greeted by many with looks of pity or masked
sympathy, when I know that the unspoken question from so many is "how
could she not have known? how could she have married such a monster?
what kind of issues does she have to have been attracted to someone
like that?" I don't kid myself into thinking that people really don't
make those kind of judgments.
"I confide in you on these points not so much because
I'm dwelling on what other people think, but because I find that other
than through professional counseling, there is virtually no support for
women in our circumstances. I'm not trying to play victim when I say
that - I take full responsibility for who I married and chose to have
children with. I don't expect society to come running to my rescue.
But I do think it's helpful to connect with each other and others in
similar circumstances from time to time. . . It's just
comforting in some ways to know that there are others who have
experienced similar experiences and truly understand the pain and trauma
of something so devastating."
When I first received an email from this woman, I asked her if she would like to share on this blog. She declined, saying that she wasn't ready to talk about her story, but in that second email was also the message above. I thought it was worth sharing. If anyone else out there wants to share a message, you don't have to give personal details of your life story because sometimes a sympathetic message to others in your situation is enough.
