Finding Forgiveness

I have a friend who was sexually abused as a teenager by a trusted man in her family. I don't think she would want me to go into details about her story here, so I won't. But she told me today about how she had finally forgiven him with the help of God.

I felt actual pain as she described her journey to forgiveness. It's the kind of pain I feel when I'm faced with a change that I don't like, that I don't want to go through. At the end of her story, I told her how glad I was that she was able to reach that point - after all, isn't forgiveness one of the great graces that all spiritual people wish to someday achieve?

For a victim, though, forgiveness is also a sign of greater healing. Along with forgiving, she is letting go of a huge burden that has weighed down on her for years and followed her like a shadow through every step in life. Now she can live and breath more clearly. In describing her happiness she said something about the colors of the world being more vivid and bright. That is beautiful.

I am so happy for her and yet I can't forgive. I can't forgive the man who offended upon her and I can't forgive my husband and I can't forgive all the other offenders that I learn about in the world around me. Not yet, anyhow. Partly, I'm not ready. I have to take my own journey through pain and anger, I guess.

I asked my friend, "How can you forgive a person that you know is still dangerous?" That is a sticking point for me. She sympathized with that problem, but she explained that God forgives her even though she is still a sinner, so can't she do that for people in her life? I don't know if I will ever reach that point.

How about you? Can you forgive the great offenders in your life? Maybe you already have. What does it take? How long?