That is the question everyone seems to be asking me since the paper came out today with Jake's mugshot on the front. I saw the paper while I was at the bank asking for an application. Good timing. Would you like to hire me? Oh look, that's my husband! I actually sat down, right there in the bank waiting room and read the story. I don't think anyone noticed me. Then I laid the paper down face first. I would have liked to throw it away, but it wasn't mine to toss.
But back to the topic. Am I leaving? I don't know. Everyone who cares about me is saying, "It's time to go." I heard this a lot last year and I kept saying, "Not yet. There's still a chance he'll get probation and be able to be a part of the family." And he got work release, which is almost the same thing, but it's gone again now. Now it's more likely that he'll go the prison for a very long time. So it seems I'm on my own.
Jake's own mother told me to just sell the house. That makes me so sad because it is my home. I love this house. I don't want to give it up, but I can't afford the mortgage without Jake's help. But actually, I can't even sell the house because it is in his name.
Even without the mortgage to worry about, we have massive credit card debt (spending was his other addiction). I'm in trouble and I can't see the light yet. The other day, I was obsessively going through my financial options and I figured that I would have to make $16 per hour to pay all the bills (and that was after I used my emergency money to pay down our highest credit card bill and then froze most of the other credit cards). We live in a rural area where most of the jobs that I can apply for would pay $9 maybe. Just to clarify for the sake of my pride, I have a graduate degree, but I would have to move to the jobs that would use it.
So I guess these are my options: stay and sink in the mire of debt or go somewhere else to stay afloat. It sounds like an easy choice, right? But what about the community I have come to love? What about my support system that I have here? Those won't move with me.
Despite my reluctance to move, I see the writing on the wall, so I've started to pack. Well, actually, I'm continuing the packing I started. I'll pack his stuff first and then mine. Hopefully, I'll be ready to go when the time comes.
I feel your pain. Knowing that we will probably lose our home has been one of the hardest things for me to accept. I have a huge mental block doing anything related to packing or making decisions about the house. But I know putting my head in the sand will solve nothing and only make things worse. For as strong as everyone else keeps telling me I am, I wish I had more.
ReplyDeleteSame thing for me as well. I only made similar discoveries about my husband a few weeks ago but pretty much decided there and then that our marriage had come to an end. After years of struggling financially while in our previous home but then finally both managing to get good secure jobs we bought and moved into our dream home, only for this to happen 6 months later. Now I have to go through the painful process of clearing our house and preparing to put it back on the market. It's still early days so I am still trying to process everything that's happened. But I am lucky to have good friends who are supportive.
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