After the Police knock on our door Then Comes the trickiest part of all...Why we must focus first upon our selves upon our children's well being no matter what "they" say..

•  Just from my own perspective: Some husbands are very adept at fooling everyone over a long period of time in order to take advantage of the trust placed in him as husband and father and grandfather. Proof of his "skill" is that he was successful: No one "saw" / realized what was going on. We trusted them. Not only children but wives and family were "groomed" so he could take what he wanted and (he hoped) get away with playing both sides against the middle. . 
• And the effects of being "groomed" not to see whats going on don't immediately stop just because we suddenly see that we and our children were betrayed by a smiling "stranger" we trusted for years.
  For example  Both my father and my husband were "good" at taking sexual advantage too, (grooming us all/ using their power and the love their children had for them to sexually abuse and thereby betray the people who loved them) and consequently they were able to continue their betrayals for years. And although the sexual abuse stopped, people still must live with the results of the harm they did.And he is still very skilled. Maybe even more skilled at manipulating the situations to his favor after dealing with prison, supervision etc...
• Both my father and my (now) ex see themselves as "victims" of their childhoods and of an un-just system and have been successful in getting some family members to take their side and join them in blaming others instead of taking responsibility themselves. They were and still are using their "ability to charm" to take advantage (using people/ children for their own purposes) betraying trust and turning the tables on anyone  who hasn't come around to seeing things their way. (getting their family to blame you. Making children feel guilty for how bad things are for Them now in prison or on supervision.
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• Anyway, even in jail or on the registry, they are still very skilled at making their victims and everyone else feel guilty instead of stepping up and telling the people (especially their victims /children) that whatever they are going through now, they brought it on themselves.(even though the "justice" system is unjust and we do still love them, we and our children have to come first now, because they already put their own needs first for years and left this mess behind for us to clear away and now some expect us to continue to  focus on them and their needs.
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  No they are not monsters, but they are often very, very self-centered. One of the reasons wives and especially children  (who are torn and often still do love them )  need distance, and especially children need to be protected from "seeing and talking to him" except under very regulated conditions is that seeing him in court, in custody etc  his victims feel guilty and blame themselves (instead of the adult who took advantage) 
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• For children taking on the blame and assuming the guilt for their father's present pain can be corrosive and, in my opinion, just as it takes a lot for wives and mothers to heal, children still need protection/ distance from relatives they trusted but who betrayed that trust.
  I'm not suggesting encouraging them to "turn against"/ hate I'm just saying it's too easy to let a very self-centered man shift blame onto children/ partners/ wives/ mothers, and make us feel we or the child victim/s are to blame for whatever the man is going through as punishment for bad things he did to his own kids (and sometimes even his grandkids.)
• Just because they are singing another (poor me) tune now, just because they are "nice" now, doesn't mean you can trust them not to take every possible advantage, especially of the same vulnerable children they "groomed" before and who still want to love them in spite of what they did for years to betray the trust placed in them as husbands and fathers. 
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• Just saying. I know that every situation is different, but they really are very skilled and just because they got caught doesn't mean they don't use every skill available to "absolve" themselves from responsibility and shift blame.Or superficially "take the blame" and then expect we will go back to acting as though nothing happened.  The continue to manipulate if for no other reason than they need money on their books, they need visitors, they need their ego massaged by still having people they can control. 
• "Afterwards" is the trickiest part of all.