Sunday, October 9, 2016

There is a bigger issue here that needs discussion: PTSD Why women "freeze' Why mothers did not SEE what was happening to our children while we 'lived right there' Before the 'knock on the door" because... I'm not trying to politicize this but PTSD did not just 'happen' to many of us. We were told "just don't think about 'it.' and frozen since childhood, girls and boys are shamed and blamed and the toxic silence goes on to endanger the next generation of our children... They need us to dare to Speak Our else protect all the boys and girls "treated like girls?" If we don't dare discuss this issue, who will?

The Morning light truth..this morning.
Donald Trump opened some wounds for so many women that it is 
staggering. We are now facing past traumas that we took as just “ the way 
it is”.  It is not the way it is nor should it ever have been.  I even realize I 
was so guarded, my adult son is not openly affectionate.  He does not hug 
me .  I should say, he does not initiate hugs...  He pats me on the shoulder 
or I have to hug first.  I am sorry for being so on guard that we lost that 
special bonding.
I have went into freeze mode more times than I can count but when I did 
respond after years of groping, pulling, violating me in various ways..
the man usually got a real hard lesson learned ( maybe),  I have gone damn 
near postal on a few that I did not freeze up on.  I have worked in hostile 
workplaces with men waiting for the opportunity to cop a feel as I have 
heard it put, rub up against me, unwanted hugs and downright raping and 
forcing in isolated situations.
 I walked into a pool room/game room for change on a cold Feb evening in 
Ga and a total stranger grabbed my butt and squeezed and I reached over to a 
table and beat him with a pool stick and proceeded to throw ashtrays at him.   
No man came to my defense but sipped their beer at the bar ( including my 
at the time present x husband)  I only went in there for change for the laundry
mat that was next door.   Someone called the police because I knocked him 
for a loop.  They actually arrested him for disorderly conduct and I didn’t 
even get questioned so someone told what happened…  That was in the 80’s.
   God knows in the 60’s and 70’s it was horrendous.   I walked out after the 
ashtray throwing and that was the only real time I remember snapping….
There was one other time but I froze too hard to do any self defense actually
… The other times too many to count.. I froze.
My husband listened to me this morning as I explained how this Trump thing
 has knocked me into near flashbacks.. Things ..little things I now remember 
that I had pushed aside..  He listened with horror searching his mind..
( I could tell) and asking me over and over had he done anything to ever hurt me and I said, I don’t think so...I thought and I    He had tears in his eyes and he said,
 this explains so very much of your body language when men are present..
He said as he listened so carefully, “This explains so much of rather being alone than in a crowd… This explains so much of your backing up in certain cases just like standing guard.   You were in combat guard mode… As a vet he said, I get it …  Every time someone even me unexpectingly reached out to back away.   What we males have taken as personal rejection at times is pure and simple self preservation and an awareness of being on guard.  He said, “ All the pics of you with legs always crossed and most of the time full arm cross”.
 so many Pictures of you standing, with arms crossed and the leg cross at the ankles.   All subtle suggestions of a guarded position but so subtle, not easy to identify.  
 He said, I can’t even imagine having to live that way day after day after day.. I could only deal with war trauma in real time with actual assault for the period I was in the jungle and then the aftermath… You and just about every other woman has dealt with assault after assault for a lifetime.  I am so sorry.
I don’t know it ..I suspect  that you my more than likely have full blown PTSD.  I think it is time we men step up and become aware just how badly this has our wives, mothers, sisters and God forbid, our children left to deal with high blood pressure, nightmares and bad bad nightmares.  It is past time that men make men aware.   After 26 years you should have told me more.. I knew you were a battered wife… My God I never knew you had all this other crap hanging around in your head.
If you are dealing with what I call the Trump Trauma….I suggest you sit 
down and talk to your spouse, significant other, partner or anyone who you 
love and explain this, it will feel like a load has been lifted.  I have a 
wonderful husband of over 25 years now..and it took this long  to let down 
some walls trust enough to say, Women, including me have been seriously damaged.