Donald Trump opened some wounds for so many women that it is
staggering. We are now facing past traumas that we took as just “ the way
it is”. It is not the way it is nor should it ever have been. I even realize I
was so guarded, my adult son is not openly affectionate. He does not hug
me . I should say, he does not initiate hugs... He pats me on the shoulder
or I have to hug first. I am sorry for being so on guard that we lost that
special bonding.
I have went into freeze mode more times than I can count but when I did
respond after years of groping, pulling, violating me in various ways..
the man usually got a real hard lesson learned ( maybe), I have gone damn
near postal on a few that I did not freeze up on. I have worked in hostile
workplaces with men waiting for the opportunity to cop a feel as I have
heard it put, rub up against me, unwanted hugs and downright raping and
forcing in isolated situations.
I walked into a pool room/game room for change on a cold Feb evening in
Ga and a total stranger grabbed my butt and squeezed and I reached over to a
table and beat him with a pool stick and proceeded to throw ashtrays at him.
No man came to my defense but sipped their beer at the bar ( including my
at the time present x husband) I only went in there for change for the laundry
mat that was next door. Someone called the police because I knocked him
for a loop. They actually arrested him for disorderly conduct and I didn’t
even get questioned so someone told what happened… That was in the 80’s.
God knows in the 60’s and 70’s it was horrendous. I walked out after the
ashtray throwing and that was the only real time I remember snapping….
There was one other time but I froze too hard to do any self defense actually
… The other times too many to count.. I froze.
My husband listened to me this morning as I explained how this Trump thing
has knocked me into near flashbacks.. Things ..little things I now remember
that I had pushed aside.. He listened with horror searching his mind..
( I could tell) and asking me over and over had he done anything to ever hurt me and I said, I don’t think so...I thought and I said..No...no. He had tears in his eyes and he said,
this explains so very much of your body language when men are present..
He said as he listened so carefully, “This explains so much of rather being alone than in a crowd… This explains so much of your backing up in certain cases just like standing guard. You were in combat guard mode… As a vet he said, I get it … Every time someone even me unexpectingly reached out to you..you back away. What we males have taken as personal rejection at times is pure and simple self preservation and an awareness of being on guard. He said, “ All the pics of you with legs always crossed and most of the time full arm cross”.
so many Pictures of you standing, with arms crossed and the leg cross at the ankles. All subtle suggestions of a guarded position but so subtle, not easy to identify.
He said, I can’t even imagine having to live that way day after day after day.. I could only deal with war trauma in real time with actual assault for the period I was in the jungle and then the aftermath… You and just about every other woman has dealt with assault after assault for a lifetime. I am so sorry.I don’t know it ..I suspect that you my dear...you more than likely have full blown PTSD. I think it is time we men step up and become aware just how badly this has our wives, mothers, sisters and God forbid, our children left to deal with high blood pressure, nightmares and bad bad nightmares. It is past time that men make men aware. After 26 years you should have told me more.. I knew you were a battered wife… My God I never knew you had all this other crap hanging around in your head.
If you are dealing with what I call the Trump Trauma….I suggest you sit
down and talk to your spouse, significant other, partner or anyone who you
love and explain this, it will feel like a load has been lifted. I have a
wonderful husband of over 25 years now..and it took this long to let down
some walls ..to trust enough to say, Women, including me have been seriously damaged.
In her important book called 'Stranger in the Mirror ' Psychologist Dr. Marlene Steinberg states that over 300 million individuals in North America are 'dissociated' (a feature of PTSD) that is characterized a state of absence or distance from one's own life. You look in the mirror and see only what you have been groomed to see by the Patriarchy in which you live. Only when you re-connect, do you see your amazing true self.
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