I wanted to reach out to those of you who (like me) feel isolated and set apart from your neighbors and even often times from family and friends by the label and condemnation affixed to those related to people in prison or whose names are on the Registry. Did you know there are over 900,000 names on sex offender registries nationwide? So how many wives, children, family members are out here or standing in line at some prison or afraid of being fired if someone vengeful finds out our stubborn connection to a loved one, a family member or to a child harmed by not only by circumstance but by the justice system.
We are not alone. But we have been shamed and silenced and separated from each other. I wanted to post this on Not the Life I chose to let you know I too feel alone and lonely but I know you are out there, you understand, you also are dealing with collateral damage and you are continuing to deal with prejudice, labels, and the fear of being rejected once again. So we spend time searching the internet for blogs like Not the Life, we stand in line, we comfort our children and find strength in eachother.
We are still strong for each other.
Thank you for this post and this blog. I have spent 13 years in the shadows after the knock on the door, and still struggle at times. While I'm done standing in line, and the pain is not as immediate as it once was, it is replaced by the experience of feeling trapped, continued lack of trust, and constant fear of the next neighbor or friend to discover our secret and threaten the normalcy I try to impart for my children. I too fear the pain of rejection again, the prejudice, and the possibility of losing the life I have struggled to build. I have felt alone for so long. I feel blessed for the support of this site as none was available 13 years ago, and pray for all of us as we enter 2019.
ReplyDeleteHow are you doing so far in 2019? Good I hope. If you are still feeling alone (like I am/ was) and are looking for other women/ people to connect with, try ACSOL – Alliance for Constitutional SO Laws bhttps://all4consolaws.org
DeleteThe Alliance for Constitutional Sex Offense Laws (ACSOL) is dedicated to protecting the Constitution by restoring the civil rights of registrants and their families. In order to achieve that objective, ACSOL will educate and litigate as well as support or oppose legislation
They have a protected dial-in (phone) emotional support group (don't need to be in Cali) for Sat of every month. You'll need to talk to Alex beforehand to get the phone#/ access code and time of the call.
I have found it very helpful. Take Care, Janet Mackie
Thank you for asking. Doing better overall, but now he found out he is getting laid off after 9 years, which means having to worry about finding a new job, background checks, etc. Still keeping the secret and working through my own feelings about him. I have looked into ASCOL, as well as other online resources, and that has been helpful. Again, none of these were available when the knock on the door happened in 2005, and I am grateful for them. I have found that advocating for better laws, and sharing how unfair the laws are to families (without giving up my anonymity) has been helpful. I work in the criminal justice system, so sometimes it is difficult because I find so many do not understand and are judgmental. Of course, I cannot confide in anyone, as I still need to live in the shadows, but with children getting older and knowing about everything, it is easier somewhat.
DeleteIn the last few years, I'm hopeful that we may be able to have a future. Our children are remarkably doing well, I'm grateful for that.Thank you again for responding.
Hello, "Ruby Sue" here again...sorry for the long delay in posting, but my husband and I have spent the past year battling for his freedom after the probation ended. Unfortunately, after four court appearances (including three postponements due to BS reasons), the other day we lost the war. Apparently the new state's attorney (the reason for postponement #3) refused to accept our lawyer's Motion for Modification of Sentence despite weeks of talking with our lawyer. And due to state laws, the judge can't overrule that decision even though he wanted to! So we're stuck living like this for twenty more years. For me, that means twenty more years of living like a single mom being the only one who can take our kids to their activities. Twenty more years of "sugar lies" about why my husband can't make it to them himself. Twenty more years of keeping everybody at arm's length and not even TRYING to make friends because I don't know whom to trust anymore. Twenty more years of dealing with this crap by myself because I get no support whatsoever from either the system or society. Twenty more years of not being able to enjoy holidays to the fullest, especially Halloween (forget giving out candy-we're not even allowed to decorate our house!). Twenty more years of not being able to take a vacation. Twenty. More. F***ing. Years.
ReplyDeleteTo say I am enraged at the system and society (but especially the system!) is a generous understatement. My husband was able to get help as part of his sentence and now has a job and dreams for the future (if we can scrape together the money). He has a social life with other adults and a position of responsibility in an adult sports league. He got counseling and even had a support group to help him out. Me? I have no paying job because I have thrown myself into being a stay-at-home mom (which I was already) and giving the kids as normal a life as possible, and thanks to his record, I don't stand a chance of being employable once the kids are grown. Social life? Forget it-any activities around here are at the same time the kids have something going on, and we don't have the money for it anyway. Support group? HAH! Neither the system nor society care about us wives-society stabbed me in the back and the system threw me under the bus! I might as well spend the rest of my life as a reclusive "crazy cat lady"-at least cats don't judge!
Sorry about the rant and the vitriol-I had to let you know, and my head's still a mess. At this rate, it's going to be that way for a while! I just wanted to give you an update and say thanks for at least letting me do THAT!
I feel a lot more people need to read this, very good info! . Merry Christmas Wishes
ReplyDeleteNice blog. Found this while searching through front line workers
ReplyDelete