Comments on An Open Letter from Dylan Farrow, The New York Times 2/1/14

You can read for yourself the open letter from Dylan Farrow to Woody Allen who, by the way, is soon to be awarded a Golden Globe Lifetime achievement award.  You can decide what you believe is the truth, whether they are taking into consideration all Woody Allen's "achievements" or only those he and his champions would prefer to acknowledge.  You can even go back to 1993 and research the subject on line. It's an education.

The reason I mention Dylan's open letter here is because the accounts of sexual abuse detailed in Dylan Farrow's letter ring true and seem all too familiar.  The lack of real resolution is depressing. Unfortunately hers is all-too-often the outcome of reporting incest, especially when there is money and position and friends in high places willing to protect the accused.

The many mothers and wives who have had to deal with betrayals and the searing pain incest sets in motion in a child's life, the familiar family disruptions a father's denial then causes with everyone taking sides while the predator continues untouched, often un-adjudicated, free to malign and blame the victim who they say was "coached" by the "gold digging wife," the lying mother. The father is free to continue claiming HE is being unjustly targeted despite findings of probable cause by the State of Connecticut, Predators in such cases would have us believe that they are the true victim and claim they should be championed.  At the same time they claim often through lawyers (or their own publicists) that it is not only untrue that he is a predator, a pedophile, a sex offender but that it's unfair to even think he could or would take advantage. It's old news. Predictably, in this case, Woody Allen says it is Disgraceful for Dylan to even repeat her accounts of incest and betrayal.  Blame, shame and thereby discredit and silence the victim. Award the Predator.

Thus the predator is left free to continuing casting shame upon unwilling victims. If the victim had been older (like the stepdaughter he eventually married) Allen might simply have claimed the "attraction" was mutual. That's what my father told me. But this little girl, Dylan, was seven. With a child victim the plan must be to discredit and blame both mother and child as lyers and shame all into silence.

Looking at all the back and forth in this one case, who would even wish for the burden of bringing "false" charges in the face of such prejudice toward child victims and the mothers who "failed to protect?" Isn't it lucky that Dylan had a mother with the money and resources and perhaps the separate status and identity to withstand the pressures and proceed to champion her daughter's truth and divorce her husband in spite of being, herself, maligned and accused?

The article points out that sexual abuse claims against the powerful "stall more easily." I would like to point out that there is no one more powerful than a Father in a closed-system Father-Know's-Best family where the mother's identity and social status hinge often upon maintaining her husband's "blameless" position in the church and community. Such Fathers are indeed in a powerful position. Some take advantage of the power systemically granted them to abuse their power positions within family. They choose to take sexual license. Such Fathers who are pedophiles and predators, those so inclined  chose to use their power to molest children and betray wives.  Although powerful men when exposed may abuse their power to stall investigations, the real betrayal was in abusing the trust placed in him as a Father and protector who chose to commit incest, to sexually assault a child entrusted to his protection.

Even now, Mia Farrow has identity in her own right and name recognition and money enough to champion her child.  She was not trapped in the Mrs Woody Allen identity and forced to remake her identity: her entire world didn't hinge upon being Mrs. But what about all those other mothers, betrayed and maligned by husbands, ex-husbands, in-laws and second wives? What about all those women who woke up one morning to discover theirs was Not The Life They Chose? Who woke up to betrayal, found themselves also suspect, also suddenly relegated to the "outer fringes of society" with little defense except silence because they had always identified themselves as Mrs.only to find their children molested and their husbands arrested as for a sex offense? Their plan A certainly was not to grow up, fall in love and marry a sex offender in the guise of a powerful charming husband!.  

Are you still scared, struggling for courage to tell the truth, to believe a child's truth?  To see marriage with new eyes? Please go online, read, and then comment on Dylan's Open Letter.

Or maybe, you could just tell me, "What IS your favorite Woody Allen Movie?" And can you suspend disbelief long enough to enjoy it?