Now's your chance to get in practice. You really need a good job. but you need to clean up your own financial back yard and be prepared to interview your interviewers.
The necessity to make a new life, or at least a separate life, for ourselves and our children hangs on finding a job and earning a living wage. But not just any old job. To find a job that will be a good "fit" requires that we ask (maybe scary) questions.
Just as asking questions might just have made all the difference before we got involved with "our" sex offender, we need to ask questions now. We need to interview our interviewer.Who wants another nasty surprise?
As an unintended "single person" we are faced with choices we never planned to make. At first we think we are only defined by the offender's choices. Then we realize that "on our own" means we are responsible for asking questions and making our own choices.
Homework counts. (Who knew then that "love" would come down how much we could earn per hour?)
How to keep private information private when we do find work?
How to ask for "extra time off" for court appearances?
How to interview the job interviewer so we don't walk into a new job blind?
Some employers hold dear the same prejudices held by the neighbors, by the public at large. (If truth be told, the same prejudices we once held ourselves, before we discovered we had been living some other life all along.) Some employers surprise us by their kindness...but you won't know until you get there.
But you say, a job is a job is a...and even a "crappy" job will do. Why interview the interviewer? Grab any offer. Smile. Make it work.
Do the math, write down what you have to earn to live. Budget. Include every expense. All Your Worth: The Ultimate Lifetime Money Plan by Elizabeth Warren has a really simple, easy to follow budget plan that I think makes sense. (you might be able to save the price of the book if you just Google her name) It's important do a realistic budget so you know what is the smallest salary you can accept. You can negotiate up from that rock bottom amount but you can't feed your kids below that income.
We even need to find out how often they pay. Weekly? Monthly? Twice a month is 24 paychecks. Every other week is 26 paychecks a year. It makes a difference. And once we say "yes" to any job, the unfairness of wage disparity strikes home. When we see that first pay check, see what our-take-home pay actually is in $$$ and cents, "minimum wage" matters. Our salary isn't just "helping out." It is our whole world. It is up to us to float the row boat.
Some company policies say the boss can "fired at will" for anything for any reason, forever. That's a lot of added stress. Especially if you are forever afraid of getting fired from a low wage job, part time work, or even from two part-time jobs. Or is "fire at will" only for a 6 month "probation" period?
How long before your retirement plan is vested? Immediately, 6 months? Never? What does your health insurance cover? And how long do you have to wait before insurance kicks in? Do you have to be a full time employee to get insurance...how many hours is does this employer consider "full time?"
No matter what the job, No Call, No Show is fatal to employment. And "late's" may get you fired too. (Even if you hate your present job, be nice, right up until you have another better one. And don't go on twitter or anywhere else to gripe about an employer. They too, troll the internet.)
These policies can decide whether we choose the cereal our kids eat or whether we must just be grateful for what ever the food bank hands out.
And in this economy minimum wage, unequal pay, lack of low-cost child care, health insurance, medical care, 401K's, time off, promotions, everything effects our bottom line. After that, where exactly DO we fit in (single) family time at a time when our children need us more than ever? And another thing, When DO we sleep?
The fact that in 2014 women still earn only 77 cents for every dollar paid to males doing the same job (up and down the hierarchy, even in the head office, women get paid less.) In general African American women earn 64 cents and Latina women earn 55 cents on the dollar. This ALL suddenly matters. A whole lot. To us.
To every working woman. Company policies about paid time off, about personal calls, about shift differentials matter. A woman who manages to find a job, who works full time will still earn an average of $11,000 less every single year -- and, get this, will earn on average $443,000 less over her lifetime just because she is female.
Even if we have skills, we may earn only $11,000. Period. In which case the young single guy working next to us on the bottom rung is probably earning $16,000 doing the same job as us. But he's young, "going places" he says. While we scout around looking for that second "good" job just to make ends meet.
I don't know about you, but I never felt so poor as when I was working my b##t off and still I had to tell my kids "No" we can't afford....some little thing they asked for. What couldn't I have done with that "extra" $11,000, with that $443,000 that I "missed out on" thanks to wage disparity.
Today "Job Search" requires a computer. And while you are "hunting" don't forget to Google your own personal information because some employers will. (By the way, I used a post office box instead of my home address on job applications and with employers to avoid getting Googled by an employer and tangled up in "the Registrant's" address info.)
If asked, what do we want to be sure to say? What's our "pitch" to sell ourselves, our skills to their company? If they ask about legal issues, what are we prepared to say? Should I "come clean" right up front, maybe in the second interview? Will they fire me if they find out "later?" You need to at least think about your answers.
Do they do credit checks? If they are a "financial institution" will they hire you with a bankruptcy(if you have one.) A lot of companies require direct deposit of your check so you will need a bank account of your own. Internet accounts like Ing or Green Dot cards might fill the bill if your bank history is gritchy with past "bounced" checks and such.
Also might be good to check your credit score and clean it up, get his name off of it if you can. (credit reports have an entry for court files. Usually it's for leins but felonies etc can be there also) You can get a free credit report from all three agencies once a year. Have you checked your Facebook? Does it say anything you would not want to share with a prospective employer? Does the Company "Google" the Registry as part of their "back ground" check on applicants?
Deciding what you want to say. Answering these questions, doing all this boring homework beforehand, writing down the questions you want answered could make the difference as to whether you get that good job or are really glad you decided not to work for "those people" after all.
*****
But before I keep going on and on and on...Why not just Google Paycheck to Paycheck the life and Times of Katrina Gilbert.? Maria Shriver (who knows a little about betrayal herself) writes about how employment issues effect women and children in the Shriver Report. A Women's nation Pushes Back From the Brink
We really are not alone in wage disparity any more than we are all alone with "What Happened." So don't think "it" is all your fault. It is hard to find a job and after all that effort you want to be sure you have found a good job, one that fits your family and your life.
Among other interesting stuff in the Shriver Report, is a Thrive Index that lists company policies that promote women's success in the work place. So don't be afraid to ask if the company that wants to hire you has these policies already in place.
These are a just few questions to inquire about when you interview your interviewer. From the Thrive Index:
Under Adequate wages and benefits:
1) Are part time workers paid the same as full time (40 hour per week) workers?
2) Are part time workers guaranteed a minimum number of hours per week?
3) Are workers who remain on the job for a specified period eligible for pay raises?
4) If and When... are workers eligible for paid sick leave for themselves or if their children become ill and the babysitter won't take them?
5) When job skills/ responsibilities/increase are wages adjusted upward?
6) Are workers paid for their entire shift even if business is slow? (or are you sent home after you showed up, after you paid car fare and took the baby across town to the sitter? Are you stuck with short hours and extra expenses?)
7) Are hourly wages higher for non-standard shifts ( such as nights or weekends? (Babysitters are harder to find and charge more for non-standard hours even if your company doesn't pay more if you work a "non-standard shift.")
There's a bunch of other stuff under headings like "Opportunities for learning and advancement; (I worked for a company that reimbursed me for $$ spent going to school as long as I could show that the courses I was taking were "work related" All I needed was the initial $$ to prime the pump for the first few classes.)
Under Support for Family and Personal needs;
Work scheduling, predictability and flexibility:
1) Is there a way to communicate and get work preference hours or schedules (like during the times your sitter is available?)
2) Do they let you know about changes in your work hours ahead of time...enough to re-arrange your sitter?
3) If you must stay beyond end of schedule, are you given advance notice? You know, so you call and get someone to go pick your kids up before the day care closes?
And Under Autonomy, respect and trust:
1) Are workers protected from "no-fault" absence or tardiness or can even the accrual of excused absences lead to dismissal?
2) Are workers allowed or encouraged to contribute ideas to improve output?
3) And maybe the most important question to ask at your job interview: Can workers occasionally make personal phone calls? You know to see if your middle-schooler made it home safe after school?
After you are interviewed and they ask if you have any further questions...why not ask a few judicious questions of you own? Interview your prospective employer. See if they are a good fit for you. Don't dare? It really make quite a difference.
Research the companies before you interview. Find out what their policies are. Ask some one who works there if workers are friendly, if they support each other.
If you interview the interviewer and they refuse to hire you because you asked? Well, you didn't want that job anyway did you? You have children to support. You plan to Thrive, Long-term.
For those of us living and working in "the culture of silence" both because we are supposed to keep quiet about being betrayed, about being or having been the wife of a Sex Offender AND because we find ourselves therefore having to rely upon our own paycheck to survive it may be cold comfort to know that "We (definitely) are not alone."
ReplyDeleteBecause No matter what your level of responsibility, up and down the hierarchy even the Female Editor of a prestigious publication can be summarily fired for breaking the "culture of silence" for demanding equal pay for equal work:
NYT: Firing Shows Equal Pay Law Needed
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid renewed his call for legislation that would protect women from pay discrimination Thursday, pointing to the experience of recently ousted New York Times Executive Editor Jill Abramson.
"This is an issue that is more than just something that takes place away from the madding crowds," said the Democratic senator from Nevada on the Senate floor. "It's now in the press that [she was fired] because she complained she was doing the same work as men in two different jobs and made a lot less money than they did. That's why we need this legislation."
Reid was referencing the Paycheck Fairness Act, which would prohibit retaliation against employees who share their salary information with each other. Supporters say the bill would eliminate the culture of silence that keeps women in the dark about pay discrimination. But others have repeatedly blocked the measure, arguing that it will simply result in more lawsuits against employers.
We certainly know a thing or two about "the culture of silence" both sexual and financial and in both spheres we are told to "stifle" ourselves never connect the dots remain powerless and just be grateful we have a job, a husband, a chance?