I would like to take you on a little journey of relaxation with me. If you have never done yoga or meditation, this might seem a little weird, but please take a chance.
I want you to read this in your favorite spot. Print it, if you need to, then go to the place where you feel the safest and most comfortable. Is it a cozy chair? A window over looking a garden? The edge of your child's bed while they're sleeping? Pick a time when you won't be interrupted. That time in the middle of the night when you can't sleep will work, if nothing else.
Once you are in your place, sit still and listen to your breath. Remind yourself that breathing will happen without your control. It is an involuntary reflex, so let it go. Let go of control and give that responsibility over to your body. Trust it. Let go of the tension in your belly and shoulders. Think about the other places in your body that get sore with stress. Tell those places to relax, too. Unconsciously we grip our muscles when we are feeling stressed, as if that will help us control what is happening in our life, but it only robs us of valuable energy and leaves us feeling cruddy. Let it go. Let your breathing relax. Let your pulse slow.
Focus on this very moment, on the place where you are sitting, the sounds around you (hopefully they are peaceful or happy), and just exist here.
Now do the same thing for your emotions that you did for your muscles. You have built up sore spots of anger, sadness, and guilt in the same way your muscles have grown sore with stress. Let go of those sore spots. You don't need to worry about the cause of these emotions right now. Just release your grip on them and let the energy flow like your breath. It will ache, like the symptoms at the start of a cold. And like a cold, recognizing you are suffering and giving yourself permission to rest is the best way to help it pass. If you find your brain replaying scenes connected to the emotions, just imagine those thoughts floating away and turn your mind back to your breathing.
If this is very hard on you right now, then take a break. Get a cup of tea or take a brisk walk. Whatever you do, don't let your muscles tense up again and resist letting those emotional blocks start. It will get easier with practice. If you can remain relaxed, your mind will feel clearer and you will have increased clarity while making decisions. When you are ready, continue reading.
With your mind on your breathing and your body relaxed, I want you to imagine stepping out of your body. (Stick with me now, even if you think this is weird). Imagine leaving your body behind, comfortable and safe, as you walk away. With every step, I want you to detach more and more from everything in your own life. Imagine walking out of the room, out of the house, and down the street. Leave behind your struggles and stress as you walk farther and farther. Walk away from your problems - you don't have to solve them. Walk away from the pain - you're taking a break from it. Imagine walking far enough away that you feel completely separated from everything. Walk until you feel like another person with no big problems. You are just normal now with normal issues. You can remember how that feels, so pull up that memory and make it real for this moment.
From your far off perspective of normalcy and detachment, I want you to turn back around and look at the body you left behind. Be a stranger looking back at yourself. You don't know who that woman is nor what she is going through. Stay detached, but look at her with kindness. She looks tired and a little worn. You can tell that she needs a good night's sleep and maybe a shoulder to lean on. Who do you think she is? She looks like a nice person, as normal and kind as a person could be. If she's a mom, I bet she's a loving one. I bet she puts the welfare of others ahead of her own.
Take a few steps towards her with curiosity. You are a separate person, remember, coming from a place of relaxed ease. Looking at this woman, you think she looks like she could be a friend. Walk back towards her at a relaxed pace. She's still a long way away, but from here you can look at her objectively. The closer you get, the more clearly you see the character of this woman. You can see her strengths, her talents, her humor, and all her good acts. You like this woman. She is a person of value and you are glad she is here. As you get even closer, you can also see her weaknesses, her temper, and her pet peeves. You see them and shrug, they are as normal as anything. There is nothing about this woman that would drive you away. In fact, you think she seems as deserving of friendship and love as anyone you know.
Keep walking toward her, taking the time you need to maintain detachment while you get closer and closer to the woman you left behind.
And now you are standing in front of her, still detached. You have walked a long way, but you feel refreshed. In fact, you have enough energy now that maybe you could offer to lend a hand to this woman. She could use someone like you. She needs someone objective and kind. She needs someone who can tell her sincerely that she is a good person, worth loving and supporting. She needs to be reminded that her life is valuable. She needs someone to listen and believe in her. You can do that.
So take a seat. Take back your identity. Breathe in and welcome yourself home.
As you go back to your life, your heart might feel heavy again and the aches may start to return. It will help if you can take mental vacations a few times a day. If you like this, maybe try going to a yoga class or get a meditation CD from the library. This sort of thing can keep you sane and healthy, no joke. Even if you can't find the time to go through a whole exercise like this, you can still find moments in your day to listen to your breathing and imagine yourself as an objective, caring onlooker. This has been my trick, by the way, for the last few years. I use it to pull myself away from depression when I feel it sneaking up on me. I hope it helped you and gives you a tool to keep you afloat. If you have a survival tactic such as this that you would like to share, please comment below or email it to me.
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