As the Wives, ex-wives, girlfriends and mother's with current or former family members accused, adjudicated, imprisoned or on probation, parole or "On the Registry" we have precious few ways to "connect" with each other either in person or even on the internet. We are divided by our own Shame and Denial and by the injustices imposed upon us as family member by the "Justice System."
Many of us will spend the rest of our lives trying to outrun the stigma and the pain. We deny our own experience. We say "our Offender" did not committed the crime. We rail against the unfairness of the discrimination and prejudice we and our children face. We silence and hide and re-marry in hopes of Putting "it" all behind us. We internalize their prejudice and then ask ourselves how WE could have been so stupid? As though we were at fault. We are indeed The Discredited Wives Club. But, in our shame, we deny ourselves the support,, the strength, the camaraderie of others because we want to return to our own prejudice against "Those Women" We do not want to ever, be one of those deeply discredited women. You know one of Those women like they show on Netflix you know one of those"Prisoner's Wives" as pre-defined by whoever made a bundle filming Those women.
Recently I was talking to a woman heavily involved in "prisoners rights" per se.
When I mentioned the issues faced by women living with parolees...after release, (not even sex offenders) just simply parolees and dealing with parole restrictions (and Parole Officers) and the chilling effect that has on the lives of the women (and children) on women's lives, the Woman, Activist was indeed amazed> She said she had never even heard of the issue (and she made it pretty clear that she still wasn't at all interested in an issue involving those women )
She quickly advised " just search the internet"...she was sure WE could find each other somewhere.
I pointed out that wives and mother's with a family member "On the Registry" or "just" on Parole have no way to connect or discuss the effects of "association with stigma" on families and future... The "prisoner's rights" activist turned off, tuned out...ust went back to obsessing about prisoners..
Prisoners Rights as an issue is a much more .acceptable "injustice" than the rights (or wrongs) experienced by the Discredited Wives Club.
Sex Offenders are required by Parole and Probation Departments in every State to attend Group / Individual Therapy programs...ever heard of a Discredited Wives Support Group? Even a Discredited Wives Sewing circle? Nope
The real problem is that unless we get to know one another, unless we "Share" as they say in or out of we are all too likely to just marry quickly and run right back into the same "strangely familiar" territory that allowed us to become the Betrayed Wives eligible for repeat membership in the Discredited Wives Club... Child sexual abuse, incest, child pornography, is part and parcel of Generational child sexual abuse running through far too many middle class families. How else explain how the perpetrator became a perpetrator himself...how the Perpetrators Family kept the secret we all deny is hiding there.
Failure to acknowledge and deal with our membership (however blamelessly acquired) bleeds directly into the next generation of Family Secrecy and destruction..
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