Going to Church

I talk to God a lot. I'm attempting to raise my children so that they will have a sense of faith. At the very least, I want them to know (really, down-deep KNOW) that God is ever-present. I want them to have someone to go to when everything seems wrong in the world - like I had at the beginning of last year.

I go to church on a regular basis. I like going to church. It's kinda weird, actually, because I'm not technically Christian. I go to a Christian church and I go through the motions, but if you were to ask me if I have accepted Jesus Christ as my savior (as my pastor has done) I would very openly tell you that I haven't. I say it openly, but with a little hesitation because I know this paints me in a poor light for some. I am suddenly seen as a soul to save or a heathen. But I'm not going to church to make a mockery of the religion. I'm going out of respect. I dress nicely. I listen and contemplate. I participate. And I leave the door open in my heart and mind just in case Jesus comes by for a talk.

The part about dressing nicely may sound unimportant, but to me it has significance. I used to go to church in the same clothes I wore every day. Actually, I may have looked especially casual on Sundays because I believed that God didn't care what my clothes look like, so I might as well be comfy! I still believe that God doesn't care what I wear, but now I care about it.

You see, last year I spent so many stressful mornings preparing myself to look nice in front of a judge that "dressing-up" came to mean something awful to me. The last time I got ready for court my daughter told me I looked beautiful, but I looked in the mirror with only loathing. I reminded myself that I had to look nice out of respect for the judge. I found myself hating that I was using my special clothes for such an ugly occasion. But it's not like you used them for anything else, I thought. Then I was surprised by that thought. I really didn't use those nice clothes for anything else. Why not? What else would I use them for? Church. That's it, from now on I will dress nicely when I go to church. I will enjoy my nice clothes in a place of love and fellowship. 

It still may seem weird to you, but I enjoy it. And it turns out that I have LOTS of nice clothes. I'm surprised by it all and I think the people at church are, too.

But forget about clothes. I enjoy church and God. I think everyone should take more pleasure in both. I would happily give testimony that both of those, along with my loving family, kept me alive last year. I want my kids to have that kind of life raft.

And I want them to read Eat Pray Love. But that's for another post on another day.