A Lot of Maybes

I was looking through blogs by other women who are married to sex offenders. One common thing I noticed was that they avoid describing what their husband's crimes were. There is likely a reason for that.

Maybe they don't feel like it's relevant to their blog. That's a reason I can understand. Some days I feel like people look at me and their first thought is of what my husband did. I don't want to be defined by my husband's problems. On the other hand, I ended up on these women's blogs because they have chosen to focus on that part of their life . . . and yet they aren't talking about it.

Maybe it is uncomfortable. Duh. Sex is an uncomfortable topic. Thus, illegal sexual acts are REALLY not fun to talk about.

Maybe they don't want to scare or disgust the reader. If the reader is of a healthy sexual mind then they should have a bad reaction to reading about sex crimes. Our husbands did something really wrong in a category of "wrong" that is repulsive and possibly even scary..

Maybe they're still in denial about it. I hate to use the "d" word. That word has been used to describe me this past year, but I would argue that I was ignorant. Or, when I had damning evidence in front of me, I was trying to stay open-minded. Or, when the evidence was so horrendous that it rocked me to the core, I was coping. I think a lot of women "cope" by only facing a little at a time. Processing too much would overload us. I think true cases of denial are few and far between, so I'm not going to pin that label on my fellow bloggers. But even if I don't think they are in denial, that won't stop their readers from thinking it.

But back to where I started . . . I think women who are blogging because their husbands are sex offenders should share what those offenses were. If we are going to talk about it then let's TALK ABOUT IT. Let's talk about who these men are that we love/d and share/d a life with. Let's talk about whether we think they can or will or have recovered from whatever delusion they were in at the time of the offense/s.

In the spirit of this message, I plan to give you more detail soon about my husband's character. Stay tuned.